A collection of dubious fables, parables, and advice with a lemony twist.
 
  • You're Doing It Wrong.

    Don't Rush Romance

    I mourn the demise of patient, ardent seduction. Lovers just want to get into my girdle as quickly as possible these days. Slow down, I tell them. Take your time. A woman reaches her peak of flavor as she ages, like a fine cheese, just before becoming rancid and inedible. By stating this simple truth you can make a suitor pause and think deeply.

  • Death Doesn't Make Appointments

    Surprise.

    Pretty stories about good or painless death may relieve your uncertainty and anxiety. Wishful thinking may help you to believe that death is not so bad, or that you have some control over when and how it will occur. You have no control. Give up your desire for control. It doesn't flatter you. Death is planning a surprise party for you. The surprise is the only fun part of death's otherwise crappy job.

  • A Crucial Question

    A Crucial Question

    You may well ask yourself: When will I find a lover who is the wings on my back instead of the stone around my neck? You may well ask, for your lover is asking the same question.

  • Beware of Bears

    Do Not Feed the Bears

    Unlimited joyful awareness resides in you somewhere. If you sit quietly, it will begin to show itself. Imagine that you're in the woods, sitting on a big rock. If you remain very still and quiet for a long time, you will see animals go about their business while paying no attention to you. Deer and bears unaware of your presence will wander past you. Likewise, your joy will emerge when you become still. So, hush. Bears turn nasty when startled. Also, they will rip you to shreds if they smell food on you. Relax as if your life depends on it.

  • A Caution Regarding Vengeance

    Revenge does not "get even" with anyone. Rather, it perpetuates suffering. I cannot endorse the seeking of revenge. No matter how righteous you feel, any attempt to harm another will inevitably rebound upon you. How do you think I got this gimpy leg?

 
 

Daily Scoldings unlocks the power of reverse psychology to transform your life.

Your friends and loved ones are troubled by your narcissism, despair, self-delusion -- and, occasionally, your hygiene.

Beryl Barclay tells you clearly and concisely what they've been thinking about you. Eerily, you've been thinking the same things about them.

With whimsical illustrations and brutal frankness throughout, Daily Scoldings is a delightful gift. It's cute, fun, and hurts only in a good way.

Who is Beryl Barclay?

Beryl Barclay is a lovingly solicitous anti-guru. She lives in a Victorian house in Denver, Colorado, with Razzle Muffin and her web-savvy cats, who built this website from their own fur.